AT Finn Cakes

I saw the new episode ("In your footsteps") of Adventure Time last Monday night when it premiered. FINN CAKES. There were cupcakes with little Finn frosting heads and I instantly knew that I had to make some.

For a while now I have found myself in a most uncanny state of fandom--which I almost never partake of--so I have wanted to make something similar to the layer cakes I have seen online. But, making cakes as depicted on, and (presumably) dreamed up by, the show is ten times better. (By the way, there are some great AT-themed desserts out there, so do yourself a favor and search for them. I, for one, was greatly amused with a literal cake made to look like Cake the Cat.)

Anywho, despite the fact that the cupcakes in the show were chocolate colored, the ones I made are strawberry flavored. This is mostly because I think Finn is one of the most adorable characters ever written and that he should be flavored with my favorite sweet berry. (It is for these moments that one keeps fresh strawberry compote in one's freezer.) And, I don't usually get all "squee!" over things, but this show inexplicably cheers my spirit. For example, I may sing the little opening song to myself whenever I need to be reminded of good things in life.

All that being said, I used the phrase "son of a bitch" so many times while making cupcakes that they were surely weeping at my belligerence towards their cupcake goddess mother. The people of Candy Kingdom would not be delighted. 

The cake

I used this recipe from foodista.com to make my strawberry cupcakes, but I also recommend this brownie recipe to make yourself a rich, moist, chocolate cupcake.

Decoration

Decorating Finn Cakes, without the use of marzipan or other fancy ingredients/implements, merely requires: patience, free space in your freezer, cooled frosting spread/shaped with chilled butter knives, and a sanitized ice pick. (Hey, who knows what you've been using it for besides cracking ice.) If you do want to bother with homemade vegan fondant, I suggest this recipe, which I have never tested--i.e. you are on your own.

If you start with some white frosting and a standard set of food dye (i.e. yellow, red, blue, green), then you can pretty much decorate these cakes with about five tablespoons of 'Finn flesh' colored frosting and one tablespoon of black for the lines of his face. A recipe for black/dark colored frosting can be found at hurryupcakes.com. Flesh tone frosting color charts can be found all over the Internet, but basically what you're going for is drops of red/yellow + a drop of green. I followed the directions at WikiAnswers, and was pleased:

Start with a very light orange, 1 drop red, 1 drop yellow and mix well. This is most likely going to be way too pale, but as you can add colour but not remove it and you have not given me any idea how big a batch of icing you are working on...better safe than sorry. Next add 1 drop green (yeah, I know, sounds weird, I swear it works), mix well.
Then one drop at a time add red and if needed a bit more yellow. Mix thoroughly after each drop, remember it will dry down a bit darker so keep it pale.

Also, in my searching I can across a website called Sweet Sugar Belle, whereupon I exclaimed: "This lady seriously likes decorating cookies. I mean, DAMN!" But, as impressive as they are, I still can't be bothered to put that much effort into something I just want to stuff in my face during rapid consumption...This is clearly demonstrated by the messiness, one might even say sloppiness, of my cupcake decorating. Ah well.

The approximate method I employed, in detail

1. Mix up your black and Finn flesh colors in separate bowls from your white frosting, letting their consistency stiffen back up in the refrigerator.
2. Next, coat the cooled cupcakes in white frosting, leaving a high mound in the middle. Pop these in the freezer, perhaps working in small batches, for a few minutes until the frosting mounds are stiff. (It's much easier if the cupcakes rose in such a manner so that they already have high centers.)
3. While waiting for the mounds to firm, use two spoons or the tips of two butterknives to make little spheres of white frosting. When ready, remove the cupcakes from the fridge and work quickly to plop a little ball of frosting on each side of the mound. These will become the ears of Finn’s hat, which will be easier to shape if you chill them in the freezer for another few minutes, along with your (metal) shaping utensil.
4. After the spheres have firmed up in the freezer, use the chilled utensil to drag some frosting down from the sphere towards the head mound, trying to make the veneer as smooth as possible. Again, work quickly before the frosting can reach room temperature.  
5. Yet again, put the Finn hatted-cakes into the freezer, fetching the Finn flesh tone from the fridge so that it can come to room temperature. (Swirl it around to help it become a bit drippy.) Once the Finn hats are stiffened, take them out and use whatever utensil that works best for you to gently drip an outline of Finn’s face shape (i.e. oval) on the side of the face mound. 
6. Once the outline is in satisfactory shape, fill it in and place the cupcakes in the freezer to stiffen the frosting again before moving on to drawing the facial expression. 
7. Finally--thank goodness--the last step is to use a toothpick or ice pick to make dots for eyes and draw whatever facial expression you think you can bear to repeat 12 or 18 times (depending on how many cupcakes are rendered from your cake recipe).

By the time I got done with the eyes, I was like "WTF possessed me to do this?" Next time, if any, there will be tiny chocolate chips for eyes!

Vegan Club Sandwich

Components

--Three slices of a bread of your choice, toasted

--Eight slices (about half of a 5.5 oz package) of (peppered) Tofurky slices [or slices of homemade seitan loaf]

--Two heaping(!) tablespoons of caramelized onion [five to six 1/4 inch slices when raw]

--Vegan mayo [If you even care for it. I’ve never liked mayo]

--Immoderate gobs of a mustard of your choice*

--1/4 t finely chopped fresh oregano [if you have it lying around or growing in your windowsill]

--Fresh cracked black pepper

--As much tomato and lettuce as you please

*Here the possibilities are endless for mustard enthusiasts such as myself. I used a brand native to my home state of N. Carolina, called “Bone Suckin’ Mustard,” which doesn’t sound vegan at all, but the creators just want you to put it on meat; there’s no animal bits in the ingredients list. Anywho, it’s a positively delicious mustard that is sweet and spicy because molasses and jalapenos are involved.

Also: Traditional club sandwiches come with bacon on them, but I am a culinary freak who has never liked bacon (yes, even before the thought of giving up meat ever crossed my mind), so I didn’t bother to find a replacement for it. If you think that this, along with the absence of mayo, is a deal breaker and reduces this sandwich to merely a triple decker, jazzed up “turkey” sandwich…well, I respond with an apathetic 'eh.' What do I care what you think? I’ll call it what I fucking well please.

Method 

1) Caramelize your onions. [If you don’t know how to do that, you are either a culinary newbie or an idiot for not learning how to make one of the best accompaniments in the entire food world. I have no sympathy for such ignorance.]  

2) Place bread slices on work surface and slather the first slice in sauce(s). Sprinkle with pepper and oregano. [Traditionally the crust is cut off to make the sandwich seem balanced on all sides or look fancy. I consider trimming bread crust an awful transgression. The crust is the best part you snot!]

3) Layer four slices of faux meat in folds (which give a better toothsome sensation upon biting), and then hold them in place (perhaps with the mustard knife leaning over them) while you spread out one teaspoon of caramelized onion.  

4) Sauce up your middle slice of bread on one side, setting it down momentarily to stack on the lettuce and tomato slices, and then use the bread slice (sauce side down) to stabilize the heap. Spread sauce on the remaining exposed side of the middle bread slice and repeat the layering process of Step 3.

5) After you’ve slathered, spiced, and put in place the last slice of bread, step back and behold the glory. Feel free to make this sandwich more mammoth if you have the appetite. Otherwise, I think this recipe as it stands is sufficient for gorging one’s self, especially when combined with a side of potato wedges.

"Hot & Spicy Potato Wedges" from Easy Garden Recipes (April 2012)

(Makes two large servings)

Components

4 T OVOO

2 T mustard

[The original recipe calls for 2 T Parmesan; I omitted it due to disinterest.]

1/4 t each of S & P

2 t chili flakes

1 sprig fresh rosemary, chopped [OR about 1/4 to 1/2 t dried rosemary, squeezed and crumbled in between your fingers]

Four medium (russet) potatoes (peels on, thoroughly scrubbed)

The original recipe also garnishes with four thinly sliced scallions and 2 T pimentos. [I omitted this due to laziness.]

Method

1) While the oven preheats to 400 F, whisk the oil, mustard, and spices.

2) Cut the potatoes into wedges and toss into the bowl of the dressing, attempting to coat evenly.

3) Spread the potatoes out onto two large baking sheets, making sure to give plenty of room between pieces so they don’t steam themselves.

4) Bake for 25 minutes, turning them half way through the cooking time.

5) Garnish and nom.

Garnish your final dish with a dill pickle spear, because it’s just not a proper American diner sandwich plate without one.

Sikil Pak Dip & Crisps

In this post I play the role of a recipe pirate--except that instead of certifrycation class (that's a Chowder reference), I'm standing in grocery stores, thumbing through food zines, scribbling down the one, single recipe I care about from the whole damn glossy, and not buying $11 magazines that are suppose to function as cookbooks. Arr, fucker. 

The profit of my plunder? Mayan snack recipes. Better than New World gold, if you ask me, and no one had to die of smallpox.

Is it pretty? Not really. Does it look 'suspicious' somehow? Yeah, it kinda does, actually. But, it's one of those ugly foods that's just damn delicious once you get over the visual.

Plus, I discovered that roasted habañero is fucking delicious. Delicious, delicious pain.

Sikil Pak from: "Better Homes & Gardens, special interest publications: Mexican" (April 2012, pg 46)

COMPONENTS

2 medium Roma tomatoes

One 1/2 inch thick slice of white onion

One fresh habañero pepper OR two jalapeño OR two Serrano peppers

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 & 1/2 cups toasted pepitas*

3 tablespoons orange juice

2 garlic cloves, minced

1/2 teaspoon salt

Garnish

1 tablespoon fresh chives

1 tablespoon cilantro

DICTATIONS

1)      Heat oven to 450. Coat the vegetables with oil and roast them for 10-12 minutes, or until slightly charred. Allow them to cool, then remove the cores and seeds.

2)      In a food processor, process the toasted pepitas to a ground texture. Then, add the vegetables, orange juice, garlic, & salt, processing until smooth.

3)      Stir in the chives and cilantro.

*Note: If you can only find salted, pre-toasted pepitas, then consider rinsing off their salt and allowing them to dry before grinding them.

If you only find raw pepitas, then you can toast them by this means: Set the oven at 350. Spread them in a single layer over a sheet tray and bake for 8 minutes. Allow to cool completely before grinding.

As for the vehicle of maneuvering this delectable stuff into your mouth without covering your hands in ick and then stroking your mock beard from the pirate costume rental place, I suggest serving it with "Spicy Pita Crisps" (from Cooking Light, July 2012 issue). This move saves money by not buying chips, let's you control your salt intake, and may prevent you from inadvertently buying a faux beard.

COMPONENTS

Two 6 inch pitas, cut four ways {Obviously you can use tortillas as well.}

1/2 t cumin

1/4 t freshly ground black pepper

1/8 t salt

1/8 t ground red pepper

One (possibly two) tablespoons of a light tasting oil, such as canola

DICTATIONS

I usually don't do that "preheat your oven" shit until I know for certain that I have almost everything assembled for cooking; preheating your oven is a waste of energy as far as I am concerned. However, for this simple recipe it is a safe bet that you can go ahead and set your oven on 425 F once you've established a work station and gathered all the ingredients together.

1) Thoroughly mix the dry spices and the oil in a large bowl.

2) Add the pieces of flatbread and, using two implements of your choice, gently toss them about. Attempt to coat the pita/tortilla pieces evenly with spice.

3) Arrange them in a single layer on baking sheets and put in oven for five minutes.

4) Try not to burn yourself in your haste to try them fresh out of the oven.