Steamed Artichokes with Almond Saffron Dip

This is one of those easily veganized Food Network recipes--all you need to substitute is some nondairy yogurt, preferably unsweetened. (Most commercial ones are rather cloying if you ask me.)

Now, this is not something that you fix as an impromptu snack, but it'd be a weird side dish and, otherwise, would probably cause difficulty and confusion at parties. So, ultimately, I'm not sure how this recipe fits into my life, other than that it was intriguingly different from my usual collection, and also pretty damn tasty, despite having to wait ages for it to be ready.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that involved; the most work you do is prep those damn prickly petaled artichokes (sitting around passively for an hour while they steam), sauté some onions & garlic, and then puree all the sauce ingredients.

A note on eating the artichokes: If you aren't familiar with artichoke anatomy, then please do some internet "research" before you eat the inedible parts of this un-bloomed flower (i.e. the choke). Fuckers write "How To" articles for a reason, you know.

To surmise, there's a little nugget of nom at the base of each petal, which you scrape off by biting the petal and dragging your teeth downwards (after dipping in sauce, of course). Eventually, you run out of petals, and then take a utensil to scrape off the choke from the artichoke 'heart', which you then consume with more sauce.

All that's left in the end...

Sikil Pak Dip & Crisps

In this post I play the role of a recipe pirate--except that instead of certifrycation class (that's a Chowder reference), I'm standing in grocery stores, thumbing through food zines, scribbling down the one, single recipe I care about from the whole damn glossy, and not buying $11 magazines that are suppose to function as cookbooks. Arr, fucker. 

The profit of my plunder? Mayan snack recipes. Better than New World gold, if you ask me, and no one had to die of smallpox.

Is it pretty? Not really. Does it look 'suspicious' somehow? Yeah, it kinda does, actually. But, it's one of those ugly foods that's just damn delicious once you get over the visual.

Plus, I discovered that roasted habañero is fucking delicious. Delicious, delicious pain.

Sikil Pak from: "Better Homes & Gardens, special interest publications: Mexican" (April 2012, pg 46)

COMPONENTS

2 medium Roma tomatoes

One 1/2 inch thick slice of white onion

One fresh habañero pepper OR two jalapeño OR two Serrano peppers

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1 & 1/2 cups toasted pepitas*

3 tablespoons orange juice

2 garlic cloves, minced

1/2 teaspoon salt

Garnish

1 tablespoon fresh chives

1 tablespoon cilantro

DICTATIONS

1)      Heat oven to 450. Coat the vegetables with oil and roast them for 10-12 minutes, or until slightly charred. Allow them to cool, then remove the cores and seeds.

2)      In a food processor, process the toasted pepitas to a ground texture. Then, add the vegetables, orange juice, garlic, & salt, processing until smooth.

3)      Stir in the chives and cilantro.

*Note: If you can only find salted, pre-toasted pepitas, then consider rinsing off their salt and allowing them to dry before grinding them.

If you only find raw pepitas, then you can toast them by this means: Set the oven at 350. Spread them in a single layer over a sheet tray and bake for 8 minutes. Allow to cool completely before grinding.

As for the vehicle of maneuvering this delectable stuff into your mouth without covering your hands in ick and then stroking your mock beard from the pirate costume rental place, I suggest serving it with "Spicy Pita Crisps" (from Cooking Light, July 2012 issue). This move saves money by not buying chips, let's you control your salt intake, and may prevent you from inadvertently buying a faux beard.

COMPONENTS

Two 6 inch pitas, cut four ways {Obviously you can use tortillas as well.}

1/2 t cumin

1/4 t freshly ground black pepper

1/8 t salt

1/8 t ground red pepper

One (possibly two) tablespoons of a light tasting oil, such as canola

DICTATIONS

I usually don't do that "preheat your oven" shit until I know for certain that I have almost everything assembled for cooking; preheating your oven is a waste of energy as far as I am concerned. However, for this simple recipe it is a safe bet that you can go ahead and set your oven on 425 F once you've established a work station and gathered all the ingredients together.

1) Thoroughly mix the dry spices and the oil in a large bowl.

2) Add the pieces of flatbread and, using two implements of your choice, gently toss them about. Attempt to coat the pita/tortilla pieces evenly with spice.

3) Arrange them in a single layer on baking sheets and put in oven for five minutes.

4) Try not to burn yourself in your haste to try them fresh out of the oven.