Food Sins

You know that sticky white rice you find at American Chinese restaurants? And that reddish pink "sweet n' sour" sauce you also find at American Chinese restaurants?

I love that shit.

I love dripping copious amounts of that sauce over the plain rice and watching it turn from light pink to reddish, all the while I am telling myself to use as little as possible. I love eating it. I consume its warm, sick sweetness with much voracity. It's nothing but sugar and cheap carbohydrate, but I wallow in the self indulgence.

I don't buy these things for myself; it's my parents and associates. They buy takeout filled with sodium and saturated fat, and they don't like rice without it being fried with bits of animal in it. So, they stop by and give me the rice because they know I often pair it with flavor it with fresh garlic, ginger, and chiles, and pile it with stir-fried vegetables.

But sometimes...sometimes there is that sauce. It beckons to me--beckons to my childhood memories of comfortableness with unhealthy eating habits...and I just can't help myself. I've just got to have it. Just a taste. I bargain with myself: "Only a little serving of white rice and a tablespoon of sauce. I'll save the rest of the rice to accompany my [name of healthy vegetable dish]." But a little bit of rice becomes half the carton and way too much sauce, and then a few subsequent spoonfuls rice later I figure I might as well finish it all off in one sitting...

If foodie-dom were like the Catholic Church, then admission to this kind of lust in confession would no doubt cause the priest to grip hir lentil bead rosary tighter and cringe at the unholiness of the flock.

"Vicar! Forgive me! I cannot bare this secret! Visions of these warm satanic sugars plague my every waking hour! This scarlet lust stirs in me and I just can't control it! Free me from this temptress! Why can't I stop, oh why?! The madness! THE MADNESS OF IT ALL!"

Satan steams among us.

DCP Food Truck Rodeo

In March, I was out of the country and missed the Durham Food Truck Rodeo in DCP. This time around I got to go, but my lunch selection, Martin's Curry Rice was taken off the vendors list at the last minute. Anyways, I assure you I had backup plans, but it was less satisfying since my mouth was set.

As with all dining out, one can't help but wonder what is in one's food. I feel like I made plenty of vegan "oops" mistakes today, like not thinking twice about a hotdog bun probably having egg in it, or that the sugar in my popsicle probably wasn't vegan. But, these are the risks that one takes when eating out, veganism isn't about purity (for me anyways), and I'll just have to try harder to remember. ...Come to think of it, I found it really disorienting to order through a window--it's been so long!

No Sympathy for the Deli

Peakles--these were exactly what I decided on for an appetizer when I was going through all the online menus. In online reviews, people rave about these and described them as spicy. I really liked them, and could probably crunch down on them all day, but I was expecting visible chile pepper elements and a little bit more burn. Still want them at my next special meal, though.

Mama Duke's

Online reviews also rave about Mama Duke's good sized portions and falafel burger. But, much to my surprise, there were only "falafel dogs" on their menu today. Conceptually it was very strange, so I inquired with the window person and decided it was in fact worth it, which was then reinforced with an unsolicited "falafel tot" sample. (It was nom.)

The dog came with a vinegar-based savory slaw (under the dog), red pepper sauce, and tahini (I asked for no tzatiki); as well as some fried carrot(?) shreds and a sprinkle of raw white and green onion. Good, good stuff. Two rather unique 'hotdogs' for only $7. ...I found myself really wanting some more of that slaw.

Local in Motion

Homemade spätzle in NC?! Woot!

After much ado about excluding the (au) jus sauce, I finally got it ordered "vegetarian" in the words of the window person, with the sweet potatoes. (It was an amusing exchange whereupon I realized I should have just use the "v" word; especially since the chef's wife is vegetarian and thus hopefully understands when people don't want animal broth in their food.) Anyways, apparently it comes with Parmesan on it, so I was a 'bad' vegan and ate it anyways because I didn't want to waste. It was all kinds of savory goodness.

I recall these sweet potatoes and greens fondly.

LOCOPOPS

Today, on the aqua-based side, they had "Cinnamon and Apple Cider" flavored locopops. If it hadn't been so cold, I'd have probably gotten a second.

Daisy Cakes

Daisy Cakes was also there, but I didn't stop by since I'd been to their shop recently. Nonetheless, in their storefront residence they have the above.

Vegan Triple D #2: Suicide Fries

Ironically, they're one of the many reasons to keep on living.

Musical Accompaniment: "Death 9000" by Mux Mool

Chilies and spicy food. I go through these phases where I want my tongue burned out of my skull. So, when I heard the phrase "suicide fries" and learned of its habanero sauce, I knew I had to have this rare, "accidentally vegan" recipe showcased on the Network of Food. 

From the show, I guessed at the proportions and then made a small batch version of the sauce. Clearly, if you are in Las Vegas and can go to Naked City Pizza (recipe's origin), then good for you. For those of us without such privileges, we'll just have to duplicate as best we can.

As a side note: because of the peppers, it reminded me of Batata Harra (spicy potatoes of Lebanese origin). All it's missing is the cumin seeds, curry leaves, and fresh coriander/cilantro. All I'm sayin' is that you could add these things...

COMPONENTS

• Three habaneros, cleaned with stems removed
• One small onion, chopped
• Two garlic cloves, chopped
• Three tablespoons of red wine vinegar 
• Hot sauce (which brand is your choice; about a 1/3 cup or so)
• Two each of cherry peppers, jalapenos, seranos + One peppercini (all chopped)
• Two or three red potatoes
• An undefined amount (to your taste) of chopped Italian parsley, as well as S&P

PHASE 1: The Suicide Sauce 

1. Begin by caramelizing one small onion and two garlic cloves on low heat. (You could just brown the onions, but keep in mind that the sauce we're making will have you wanting the caramelized onions' sugar to combat the heat.)
2. Once that's finished, set a pan on medium-hot with about a half tablespoon of cooking oil; then add three habaneros (which, again, should be rinsed and have their stems cut off, but otherwise be intact). Stir them frequently until their skins have browned a little.
3. Add in the onions/garlic, then deglaze your pan with three tablespoons of red wine vinegar. Expect a lot of pain from the hab vapors.
4. Season up the pan with S&P and a little minced Italian parsley. Immediately after, glug in a hot sauce of your choice and allow it to simmer with the rest of the ingredients for a few minutes. (FYI: In the original recipe, the chef used Frank's Red Hot.)
5. Allow the contents of your pan to cool, then pour it all into a food processor to shred into a smooth sauce. 

PHASE 2: The Pepper Medley

1. Chop up two cherry peppers, two jalapenos, two seranos, and one long peppercini. (Whether to leave in the seeds is your business; remember that more seeds/veins = more burn.)
2. Sauté your pepper slices with a pinch of salt.
3. After they've softened a bit, add some water to the pan and let them sweat down. When they're in the state you want (i.e. softened), remove from heat.

 

PHASE 3: Potatoes and Assembly

1. Fry up (I prefer to bake) some fresh cut red potatoes, making sure to drain them of all excess oil, then season with S&P + chopped Italian parsley.
2. Create a nest of fries on a plate, then pile on the pepper medley and drench in suicide sauce. 
3. Keep a spoon of peanut butter on hand, just in case you can't handle the heat. And, yes, your bumhole might burn later on, but that first bite is definitely worth it.

It should look like this before you do a faceplant.

 

One last thing: If you like Guy Fieri and want to make slightly healthier (or vegan) versions of the recipes from his shows, then check out this cool blog I found: Guy Gone Vegan. It's written by a Brooklyn cooking enthusiast.